16 Days of Activism online dishonour abuse

online dishonour abuse

16 Days of Activism and online dishonour abuse: sixteen signs a girl or woman is not safe

Online dishonour abuse often starts quietly. A girl is doing her homework when her phone buzzes and, in a few lines, her whole future is threatened. For many girls and women, online dishonour abuse does not begin with a punch. It begins with a message, a missed call, a family WhatsApp group or a demand for a password. The abuse sits in her pocket long before anyone sees a bruise.

During the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, from 25 November to 10 December, Freedom Charity, founded by Aneeta Prem MBE, is focusing on this hidden pattern. We call it online dishonour abuse, and it needs to sit at the centre of the 16 Days conversation, not on the edge.

16 Days of Activism and why these dates matter

Every year, organisations across the world use the 16 Days of Activism to shine a light on violence against women and girls. The dates link the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women on 25 November with Human Rights Day on 10 December. Together, they send a simple message. Violence against women and girls is a human rights issue, not a private family matter.

The 16 Days campaign began in 1991 when women’s rights activists at the first Women’s Global Leadership Institute chose this period to coordinate action and make it harder for governments to look away. Since then, charities, survivor groups, unions, schools and international agencies have used these days to push for stronger laws, better funding and real accountability.

If you want to read more about the global campaign, you can visit the official UN Women 16 Days page and the Global 16 Days Campaign site.
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In recent years, many campaigns have turned towards online violence against women and girls. Phones, apps and social media no longer sit outside the abuse. They sit inside it.

Freedom Charity’s work shows one part of this picture very clearly. It is the part we call online dishonour abuse.

Why Freedom Charity names dishonour abuse and online dishonour abuse

Freedom Charity exists to prevent forced marriage, FGM and related abuse and to support children and young people at risk. We work in schools, run a helpline and email advice service, provide a safeguarding app, publish books and train professionals.

For many years, people used the phrase “honour-based abuse”. Survivors tell us that phrase hurts. It suggests there is something honourable about what happened to them. It can also make some professionals hesitate, because they fear being accused of attacking culture or faith rather than confronting abuse.

There is no honour in forcing a child into a marriage they did not choose. Cutting a girl and calling it a “special ceremony” does not create honour either. Using fear to control a woman’s entire life is abuse, not honour.

For that reason, we use the term dishonour abuse. It shifts shame and responsibility back where they belong. The blame sits with the people who control, threaten and harm, not with the girl or woman who is trying to survive.

Dishonour abuse is not a cultural issue that belongs “somewhere else”. It is child abuse, domestic abuse and a breach of human rights here in the United Kingdom. This is why our 16 Days campaign focuses on naming online dishonour abuse clearly and directly.

What is digital abuse, and what is online dishonour abuse?

Digital abuse, sometimes called online abuse or tech abuse, means using phones, apps, social media, messaging services or other digital tools to control, threaten, monitor, humiliate or isolate someone.

It is not about one app. Instead, it is about a pattern of behaviour. Someone uses technology again and again to tighten control over another person’s life.

For example, digital abuse can include:

In UK law there is no single offence called digital abuse. However, these behaviours can form part of criminal offences such as coercive and controlling behaviour, stalking, harassment, image based sexual abuse, malicious communications and threats. They can also sit inside wider patterns that lead to forced marriage or FGM, which are criminal offences in their own right.

When digital tactics are used to police “honour”, they become part of online dishonour abuse and must be treated as such.

When digital abuse becomes online dishonour abuse

Digital abuse becomes online dishonour abuse when someone uses technology to enforce so called honour and to punish or control a girl or woman in the name of family or community reputation.

Here, both motive and context matter.

Patterns of online dishonour abuse often include:

In these cases, digital tools plug into a wider system of control. A phone becomes a leash. A WhatsApp group becomes a courtroom. A video call becomes a pressure chamber.

Concrete examples of online dishonour abuse include:

Legally, many of these acts may amount to coercive control, harassment, stalking or threats. When forced marriage or FGM follow, they connect directly to specific criminal offences. The claim that this is “for honour” does not make the abuse less serious. In reality, the involvement of multiple people can make it more dangerous.

These patterns show how quickly digital abuse turns into full online dishonour abuse when honour and control are used as excuses.

Why online dishonour abuse matters during the 16 Days of Activism

The 16 Days of Activism campaign links violence against women and girls to human rights. It exists to show how abuse really works, who pays the price and what needs to change.

Forced marriage and FGM are sometimes imagined as issues that happen far away or only behind closed doors. In reality, young people often describe abuse that flows through their screens just as much as through their front doors.

We hear about:

In reality, the phone that could be a lifeline can become the tightest part of the cage.

For this year’s 16 Days of Activism, Freedom Charity is running “16 Days of Freedom”. The campaign sets out sixteen clear signs of online dishonour abuse. Each sign is based on patterns we see in calls, emails and school sessions. Any one of them is a reason to pause, ask questions and seek advice.

This guide is for teachers, health staff, police, social workers, community and faith leaders and, most of all, for anyone who has that feeling that something is not right but cannot yet name it. During this 16 Days period, Freedom Charity is placing online dishonour abuse at the centre of our work.

Sixteen signs of online dishonour abuse

Each heading below reflects a pattern that appears in practice. Often, more than one pattern appears at the same time. Each of these warning signs can be part of online dishonour abuse, especially in forced marriage and FGM cases.

1. Image based blackmail

Private photos or videos turn into weapons.

Someone tells a girl or woman that, unless she obeys, agrees to a marriage or stays silent about abuse, they will share her images with family, community or faith contacts. She may have sent images in trust or had them taken without consent.

This is image based abuse and a form of online dishonour abuse. The shame does not belong to her. It belongs to the person making threats.

If you see this: treat it as abuse, not gossip or drama. Save evidence safely and follow safeguarding routes.

2. Family chat shaming

A family or community WhatsApp group becomes a public trial.

Photos appear. Screenshots circulate. Comments attack her clothes, friendships, faith or choices. People say that she has brought shame and must put things right by obeying.

When this public shaming pushes someone into marriage, silences them about abuse or forces them to accept FGM, it is dishonour abuse, not family discussion.

If you see this: believe the person who shows you the messages. Record what you see and contact specialist services for advice.

3. Forced passwords and full phone control

She must hand over every password. Someone else can open her phone at any time. They read her messages and check her call history. They may keep the phone overnight or hold it for safekeeping.

This level of control can be presented as care. In reality, it is coercive control. It removes privacy and choice.

If you see this: ask whether she ever has a private conversation online. If the answer is no, something is deeply wrong.

4. Tracking and stalking on apps

Location sharing and tracking apps can keep people safe. They can also keep them in line.

Every movement is checked. If she takes a different route, questions start. If she stays too long in the wrong place, she faces calls, messages or worse when she returns home.

When adults use tracking to enforce honour and punish independence, it becomes stalking and online dishonour abuse.

If you see this: ask who turned on tracking and what happens if it is switched off. Listen closely to the answer.

5. Forced marriage in messages and inboxes

Families and networks arrange a marriage through messages and calls. They share photographs, plan ceremonies and book travel. They tell the young person only after others have already agreed.

Sometimes they speak openly about a wedding. Sometimes they hide it behind a holiday or a visit back home.

If you see this: remember that forced marriage is a crime and a safeguarding emergency, not private culture or family business.

6. Digital pressure around FGM

Text messages, voice notes and calls prepare a girl for FGM or punish her for refusing it.

Relatives may tell her that cutting is required by faith or tradition. They may claim she will not be clean or marriageable without it. Pressure can come from inside the UK and from abroad.

FGM is always abuse. Using digital tools to organise it does not make it less serious.

If you see this: treat it as urgent. Use national and local FGM procedures and seek specialist advice.

7. Digital isolation

Adults remove or tightly control phones, computers and accounts.

They delete contacts, close down social media and insist on shared devices. They call this protection from bad influences, but it cuts her off from every safe person.

If you see this: a sudden disappearance from online spaces, especially before travel, marriage or key dates, can signal rising risk.

8. Surveillance and reporting back

Neighbours, relatives and even younger siblings act as informers.

They report where she goes, who she speaks to and what she wears. They send messages or images to older relatives who then confront her.

This is not community care. It is surveillance.

When families use this network to enforce rules about clothing, friendships, travel or marriage, it becomes a powerful part of dishonour abuse.

If you see this: notice how often she says they will find out or someone will tell them. That fear matters.

9. Online pressure rooms and group calls

Several adults join a video call to confront one person.

The screen fills with faces. One after another, they say she has brought shame and must agree to a marriage, a trip or a procedure. The call may cross several countries. The effect is overwhelming and deliberate.

If you see this: recognise this as psychological abuse, not a simple family chat. It can strip away any sense of choice.

10. Doxxing and exposure threats

Someone threatens to spread personal information, images or chat logs.

They say they will send material to relatives, community leaders, employers or online groups. The aim is to destroy her reputation and remove every safe space.

This practice, often called doxxing, can act as a direct trigger for violence or forced marriage in a dishonour abuse setting.

If you see this: treat exposure threats as serious. Record what you can and seek advice quickly.

11. Financial control by app

Adults use banking apps and online transfers to control every pound.

Her pay goes into an account she cannot access. She receives money only when she complies. Online spending is checked and used as evidence against her.

Financial control counts as domestic abuse. When families tie it to honour and use it to enforce forced marriage or FGM, it becomes dishonour abuse.

If you see this: ask who controls cards and logins. Ask what happens if she spends money without permission.

12. Online attacks on women who speak out

Women who speak up about forced marriage, FGM or dishonour abuse often face online abuse.

People call them liars, traitors or home breakers. They post threats and insults. These attacks aim to silence them and to warn others not to follow.

If you see this: stand with women who speak up. They protect others and they need protection too.

13. Schools and colleges missing the signs

Schools and colleges often see danger first.

A student suddenly talks about flights abroad. A girl seems terrified of her phone being checked. A pupil stops taking part in activities without any clear reason. Someone becomes very distressed after contact from home or after a group call.

Staff notice these things, but they may feel unsure or afraid of offending.

If you see this: trust your instincts. Use your safeguarding policy. You do not need to know every term to act on clear risk. Schools are often the first places where staff can see online dishonour abuse in real time.

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14. Health, mental health and suicide risk

Dishonour abuse often reaches health and mental health services in disguise.

A young person may present with anxiety, self harm, depression, unexplained physical pain or thoughts of suicide. Under the surface, there may be threats about travel, pressure to marry, FGM risk or digital abuse that no one has named.

Online dishonour abuse can leave someone feeling watched, trapped and completely alone. That state is dangerous and can increase suicide risk.

If you see this: ask gentle, open questions about life at home and online. Include dishonour abuse in your assessment of risk and safety. Many patients do not have words for online dishonour abuse, but they feel the impact every day.

15. Law, safeguarding and protection

In the UK, laws already cover many forms of dishonour abuse.

Forced marriage and FGM are criminal offences. Coercive control, stalking and many forms of harassment also break the law. Guidance treats these issues as serious safeguarding concerns, not cultural disputes.

Law on paper, however, does not always translate into action.

If you see this: remember your duties and your powers. You can call safeguarding leads, make referrals and seek protection orders. Early action can save lives.

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16. Survivors, the Red Triangle and hope

The Red Triangle badge created by Freedom Charity carries a simple message.

There is no honour in dishonour abuse.

Survivors helped shape that message. Many have lost families, communities or even countries because they chose safety and freedom over silence. Yet they still reach out to protect others. At the same time, professionals and allies are learning to recognise online dishonour abuse and to act sooner.

There is hope in every teacher who notices, every GP who asks the right question, every neighbour who makes a call and every girl who sends a message asking for help.

If any of these signs feel familiar for you or for someone you know, you do not have to face it alone. You can contact Freedom Charity for support and advice through our website.

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How to use this guide during the 16 Days of Activism and beyond

You can use this guide in many ways during the 16 Days of Activism and long after the campaign ends.

The 16 Days of Activism end on 10 December. Online dishonour abuse does not. Please keep using, sharing and talking about this guide throughout the year.

There is no honour in online dishonour abuse. There is only the choice to look away, or the decision to act.